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Your data will soon be in an ACTUAL cloud

By Ashton Young
Fri 1 Apr 2016
FYI, this story is more than a year old

Cloud computing has completely revolutionised the digital world and the way we live and do business.

However, a recent report reveals the forecast is looking quite stormy.

Google has announced a new platform that will quite literally be running on servers up in the clouds.

Head of the operation, Andy Bull, says it has been a tumultuous time but they’ve gotten through it and are now on cloud nine.

“We’ve weathered the people who said it was impossible, and now we have created a platform that is something truly special, something that we can brag to our grandkids about,” Bull says.

People in the industry who have tried the new platform have been very positive.

“Google’s new platform shades us from the demands of maintaining on-premise servers and allows our business to really fly,” says Imma Bird, director of product development at Seagull Web Design.

The data will be held in the actual clouds above us through electromagnetism, and benefits will include:

  • More scalable
  • Lightweight
  • Mobile
  • Faster
  • No hard edges

Some of the features that Google has released with the new platform include:

High availability

It’s a common term in the industry, but because your data is literally right above you, there will be no need to make a choice between high availability and high altitude.

Stormcharge

Think of all that energy that is wasted from electrical fields during thunderstorms. With Google’s new platform, users will be able to supercharge read/write performance on all their drivers during storms.

Implemented weather dashboard

It’s always been good to know what the weather is doing, but with Google’s new platform it will be business-critical. With this dashboard, you will be able to monitor humidity, your data’s altitude and a seven-day forecast to help you plan your business processes to the most suitable day.

A range of sizes

Google has utilised current cloud forms to install their physical drivers. You can choose from cumulus – 16gb, cirrus – 32gb or stratocumuliform – 64gb (for particularly intense workloads).

DataDrops

This is a real game-changer. DataDrops can provide incredibly fast content delivery to all people in your network using actual raindrops.

Who ever said the sky was the limit?

Disclaimer: This story has been produced as satire to celebrate the joy of April Fools Day. The day only comes around once per annum. We hope that you've had as much fun reading this story as our team had writing it. Please accept any apologies for mentioning your brand, business or name. Please understand it's light hearted fun and if you are mentioned, it’s because we think you’re awesome.

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